Trump droht damit, aus dem Dom einen McDonald's zu machen und den Geißbock zu entführen (BVB)

Alones, Donnerstag, 13.08.2026, 21:00 (vor 11 Stunden, 45 Minuten) @ Knolli

What is going on in COLOGNE??? Borussia Dortmund wants SAID EL MALA. The player wants Dortmund. Everybody wants Dortmund. Very beautiful club. Yellow. Tremendous fans. Maybe TOO MANY fans sometimes, but tremendous. And Cologne says NO??? They want MORE MONEY. Always more money!

Dortmund offered a LOT. 46 Million, maybe 52, maybe 55. Nobody even knows anymore. That’s a lot of money for Cologne. Probably more money than they have ever seen! I know deals. I wrote THE ART OF THE DEAL. The people running Cologne apparently did not read it. VERY BAD NEGOTIATORS!

If this deal does not happen, there will be CONSEQUENCES. I have been told Cologne has a goat. HENNES. Very famous goat. Beautiful goat, from what I’m told. Maybe we take Hennes. Nobody wants to do it. I certainly don’t want to do it. But sometimes you have to negotiate VERY STRONGLY. HENNES could live at Mar-a-Lago. Beautiful grass. Palm trees. Much better weather than Cologne. He would LOVE IT!

And then there is the Cologne Cathedral. Very large building. Two towers. Lots of tourists. But is it making money? Probably not! We could put a McDonald’s in there. Maybe the BIGGEST McDonald’s IN THE WORLD. McDOM. Two golden arches between the towers. Imagine it! Millions and millions of people would come. BIG MAC WITH A VIEW.

Cologne should think very carefully. SEND EL MALA TO DORTMUND!!!

We just had tremendous SUCCESS with Iran. Everybody said it couldn’t be done. The experts said NO. The fake news said NO. Iran said NO. And then President Trump got involved. Now everybody is talking. Hormuz. Oil. Ships. Very complicated things. I understand them all. If I can deal with IRAN, believe me, I can deal with 1. FC KÖLN.

Maybe I send Steve Witkoff. He comes back with El Mala AND the goat. Probably for 35 Million! That’s called NEGOTIATING.

Germany also has a terrible problem with migration. Everybody knows it. Millions coming in, nobody knows who they are, nobody knows where they’re going. But El Mala wants to migrate from Cologne to Dortmund and suddenly Germany discovers BORDER CONTROL??? INCREDIBLE! The ONE migrant who actually has a CONTRACT, a JOB, and Borussia Dortmund waiting for him — and Cologne says HE CAN’T LEAVE! You can’t make this up.

Under the Trump system: STRONG BORDERS, LEGAL MIGRATION, FAST FOOTBALL TRANSFERS. Very simple!

My great friend GIANNI INFANTINO understands this. Gianni would get the deal done. Gianni gets things done. UEFA hates him because he is SUCCESSFUL. Same reason the fake news hates Trump. Maybe FIFA should supervise Bundesliga transfers. Gianni calls Cologne. Five minutes later: DONE. El Mala in Dortmund. Hennes stays in Cologne. Cathedral stays a cathedral. Everybody wins!

But if Cologne keeps playing games… HENNES — PACK YOUR BAGS. And somebody call McDonald’s. I hear they are VERY INTERESTED!

GET THE DEAL DONE!!! EL MALA TO BVB!!! NO MORE GAMES!!!

Thank you for your attention to this matter!

President DONALD J. TRUMP